For temptation to exist, there must be an inner craving for what tempts you. Not everyone is tempted to hit the snooze button every morning, but you put a snooze button in front of me and I’ll hit it until the cows come home. One day I simply told myself I wasn’t going to hit that snooze button anymore, and I stopped. My heart still wants to stay in bed most mornings, but my head reminds me to get up and my nose tells me the coffee is made, so I do. Did I just get smarter about this aspect of my life, or am I really growing? I’m not betting on the latter.
Erwin McManus is the senior pastor at Mosaic Church near Los Angeles. I received his book Soul Cravings for Christmas (it rocked my world), and I’ve been a podcast listener of his for about a year now. This is a man who understand the human heart. And even more than that, he understands the human condition. So I feel a little “kindred spirit” connection with him. In October he started a preaching series for the church’s podcast called Living An Original Life. The first sermon was called “The Lie”. What is the lie, you ask?
“The lie is that God is withholding his best from you.”
This is where I was going on my last post. And I’ve been here before. But I’m going deeper now.
When I take a path that is clearly against the character of God, what I am essentially saying to him is that I don’t trust him with my life.
I’m sorry, but that’s HUGE. I’ve trusted God since I was little kid. I believe in him with all my heart. And I do believe there is a path he wants me to go on, a path suited for me, a path that’s so much better than I can imagine and so much better than anyone else can give me. When I sin (which is often connected with my spiritual growth) I am basically saying that I think God is holding out on me.
So, as you can imagine, I am feeling pretty hypocritical as I write this post.
The difference between actually growing in my walk with Him versus just becoming more intelligent about spiritual things? Is the state of my heart. Is it broken when I sin? Is it broken when I see those I love sin? Do I really want to change or do I just think I should change? Do I really want to hit that snooze button, or do I really want to get out of bed?
There are three big things about myself that I hate. And all of them, in some form, are big ole’ honkin’ sins. The stuff in my head hasn’t moved into my heart. And most of the time, I’m not sure I want them to go anywhere. It almost seems like I am quite happy in my sin and the only part about it that gets to me is guilt and a sense of obligation to stop the sin.
And so… the lie can trick us into thinking the truth is actually the lie. Because, if I’m really being honest with myself, is that I’m not happy in my sin. If I were, I would be lamenting about it now, would I?
So, I need to stop believing the lie. I need someone or something to break my heart enough to motivate me to grow, not just know.