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I may have a major decision to make in the next two weeks. Or I may not. Bleh.
In my “old” age, I’ve learned I don’t like change very much. I don’t like seasons of unrest or uncertainty. These seasons make me feel anxious, worried, and well… downright awful.I struggle to really trust the Lord in these times, when I don’t know what he’s up to, what the world is up to and what I’m supposed to do.
I’d like to be able to say that I am 100% trusting in him. As my Creator, I am sure he knows what’s best for me. I am sure he loves me. But sometimes, when it comes down to the brass tacks, I just freak out. I struggle with trying to figure out what decision will honor him, to do what he wants and I struggle to actually make the stupid decision because I am so worried I will not be in his will. I wrestle with the tension of what my responsibility is and how his sovereignty plays itself out in my life. Yet I realized something very interesting on my long drive back home today. I realizing that what I am learning in the midst of this wrestling is the importance of being bold.
It’s hard being in the Reformed faith sometimes, because there is such a big focus on our sinful nature. I understand why this is important, because unless I truly understand the gravity of my sinfulness, I can never fully understand why Jesus had to die on the cross. God’s holiness required a payment for my rebellion.. in the form of a perfect sacrifice. The only one who could do that was God himself. That’s how big my sin is. That’s how big his holiness is. But…
he rose.
I can’t stay on Good Friday, dwelling on the great sacrifice he gave me. I shouldn’t. I must honor it, be reverent to it, be thankful for it and be in awe of it. But I must not get stuck on Good Friday… because Sunday came, and on that day sin was defeated. My sin was defeated. Your sin was defeated. If I focus on Friday I will miss the party. And that party is what allows me to be bold.
I sin. But I am not a sinner. That’s why I can’t dwell in a perpetual state of Good Friday. Jesus’ death and resurrection defeated the sin in me and gave me a new name: saint. It feels strange to say that sometimes, because I feel like I’m being prideful. But Romans 8 tells me that I am in the Spirit. That’s something to rejoice in. That’s something that makes me bold.
There’s a great old hymn, written in 1838, that beautifully illustrates not only what it means to be bold, but WHY we can be.
Come boldly to a throne of grace,
Ye wretched sinners come;
And lay your load at Jesus’ feet,
And plead what he has done.
“How can I come?” Some soul may say,
“I’m lame and cannot walk;
My guilt and sin have stopped my mouth;
I sigh, but dare not talk.”
Come boldly to the throne of grace,
Though lost, and blind, and lame;
Jehovah is the sinner’s Friend,
And ever was the same.
He makes the dead to hear his voice;
He makes the blind to see;
The sinner lost he came to save,
And set the prisoner free.
Come boldly to the throne of grace,
For Jesus fills the throne;
And those he kills he makes alive;
He hears the sigh or groan.
Poor bankrupt souls, who feel and know
The hell of sin within,
Come boldly to the throne of grace;
The Lord will take you in.
Listen to it here.
Stephanie Nelson 
beautifully written. what a beautiful perspective and way of saying it. I love it, “if we stay at Friday, we miss the party”…pretty sure Jesus came for the party. of course he did, water into wine….and all. 🙂
praying for you during this waiting time…praying you can rest in His Peace. I am so proud of you.
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well written
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I liked this: “I can't dwell in a perpetual state of Good Friday”.
My advice is to listen to that inner voice.. She is seldom wrong 🙂
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