Peaks and Valleys

Sometimes it sucks being a girl.

I’m sad tonight, and I have no idea why. I feel as though at any moment I could burst into tears. Far as I can tell, there is absolutely no reason for it. So in my head, I shart checking off a list:

Is it because a good friend told me last night she’s moving back to the east coast?
Is it because I’m frustrated with a situation at work?
Is it because my favorite sweater is almost too worn to wear?
Is it because I feel stuck in one place in my relationship with God?
Is it because I gave up soda?
Is it because I listened to Over the Rhine’s Drunkard’s Prayer album all day?
Is it because when I was sorting my groceries on the conveyor belt tonight I was reminded of a friend (who taught me to do that) whom I no longer talk to?
Is it because a job I was once passed over for is now available and I’m too afraid to try again?
Is it because I doubt that he is suffcient for me and that makes me feel guilty?

Is it because I’ve realize I simply don’t know who God is at all?

Check. Check. Check.

After all the wondering, I still don’t know. Tomorrow may be a peak. Today was a valley. Today was a day of loose ends and questions… a day I felt undone. But I guess the thing about being undone is that I have no choice but to be put back together.

Bless the days this restoration is complete
Dirty, dusty, something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it’s never quite enough
I am starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
Guess its no suprise that I;m no michaelangelo
Every layer of mine
Hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
So I polish and shine till its easier to find
Even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway -Anyway (Nichole Nordeman)

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