And with this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say
To let You know how much You’ve touched my life
Because here is where You’re finding me,
In the exact same place as New Year’s eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We’re less than half as close as I want to be
For the last few years, the song “I Celebrate the Day” by Reliant K has haunted me each Christmas. The first verse (lyrics above) broke my heart, because each year I saw myself in those lyrics. Each year I felt as though I was standing in the same place as last year, with no growth in my walk with Christ, no growth in emotional maturity… just no growth period.
I had to write a 10 page final paper for one of my education classes this semester; an analysis on my family genogram and reflecting on how this will affect me as a leader in ministry. Not an easy task, obviously, but as I did all the analysis and reflection I realized something very important: this year, I don’t identify with these lyrics.
It’s still an amazing song and it still breaks my heart with its truth. But I can say with confidence that I am not in the same place this year as I was last year. God moved me forward in some wonderfully unexpected ways that involve lots of disequilibration, differentiation from my family system, the book of Joshua, and vampires. Weird combination, I know. But I suppose that’s why it is so dis-equilibrating. But I’ve learned how to be okay with that.
All of this is why I am celebrating 2009.
And so this Christmas I’ll compare
The things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
And I, I celebrate the day that You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life