of seasons and heartbeats

I had an online conversation lately with a few men who were sharing Spotify song lists for the Autumn season. I read in fascination how they described an emotional change that occurs when summer ends and Fall begins; how the music they listen to shifts. One suggested it was about a mood shift from the […]

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sandcastles

Sitting on the soft mound of dirt and sand, I carefully craved a long and narrow path with my hands in this sandbox. Digging deeper in some places, I created ups and downs for the water to flow. Then dragging the water hose over, I filled up this path and began to imagine and dream. […]

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in the bleak midwinter

I’ve always been more comfortable in melancholy and sadness, more so that the average human being. It’s something that 2017 taught me to lean into more, but also be careful of, since it can lead to unhealthy ways of thinking and skewed perspectives on reality.So I’ve been in a place where I’m learning to own […]

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woven threads

So I had to bake a peach pie.Those words came into my mind on my drive to work this morning. The trail to get there went something like this:Memories of feeling left out -> a chosen blog post -> a forgotten chosen blog post – > bread -> sacramental baking -> I had to bake a […]

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of sorrow and joy [good friday hurts]

  There are many reasons Good Friday is a sad day for me.   It’s the day I lost my grandfather when I was 14 years old.   It’s the day my Savior died.   It’s the last day I spoke to one of my best friends.   So… not my favorite day.   The […]

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on moving, goodbyes, and community

I went through those double doors for the last time, and briefly paused as I heard the glass door rattle behind me as they latched. From what seemed out of nowhere, my heart filled with sadness and tears threatened to brim over as I realized the chapter I was closing in my life. For the […]

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no longer and not yet

The last six months have been about the space between the “no longer” and the “not yet” for me. Have I honored that space? Not hardly. I screwed a lot of things up. Perhaps I handled it as best as I could have expected to handle it, without ignoring what I was going through completely. […]

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a love letter to st. louis

For the past five years, I’ve viewed you as my home away from home. Which I realize doesn’t make a lot of sense, because I only lived with you for two years. I was a full-time student, working three jobs, living in a house with five other women. I was in complete transition in my […]

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friendship and INFJs

INFJs don’t form a lot of close friendships in their lifetime… we are very selective. This isn’t about conceit, but really about knowing ourselves. We only have so much emotional energy we can give to another without great harm to our soul, so we make sure we give it to those we truly connect with, […]

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i’m no good at this

I was spending some time talking with God last night, trying to make a decision. Not really an earth shattering one, but it kind of was. Because I knew that no matter what choice I made, it meant something was coming to an end. I’ve never been very good at saying goodbye. The first time […]

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