I knew our friend was right, so of course I had no reply. But I was still my stubborn self and did nothing. That evening, I was apologized to for the whole button incident, and I forgave him just like any “good Christian girl” would do. He and I remained friends – it was really no big deal. But I remember it to this day. Why? Because “Sometimes it’s best to be the bigger person.” Those words are still with me.
Oswald Chambers wrote about the importance justice plays in forgiveness. From Daily Thoughts for Disciples:
It would be an immoral thing to forgive a person who did not say he or she was sorry…I cannot forgive my enemies and remain just unless they cease to be my enemies and give proof of their sorrow, which must be expressed in repentance. I have to remain steadfastly true to God’s justice. There are times when it would be easier to say “Oh, well, it does not matter. I forgive you,” but Jesus insists that the uttermost farthing must be paid. The love of God is based on justice and holiness, and I must forgive on the same basis.
One of Chamber’s biggest faults in this line of thinking is that forgiveness means dismissing the act you are forgiving. I disagree. The very act of forgiving, whether the person asks for it or not, says “It mattered. It hurt me. But I need to move on and not carry that hurt with me anymore.” If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt.
Where is my justice, as a forgiven sinner? My punishment is served, done, completed. My sin – not in part, but the whole – is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.
Because I bear it no more, because it’s nailed to the cross, – this is my reason to be the better person. This is my reason to forgive. It’s always been about what he did for me first, not what I think it right or wrong.