“Calling-out?” “Convicting?” “Keeping accountable?”
“Restore him gently” (to use a softer, biblical phrase from Galatians 6)
So, basically, being someone’s Holy Spirit.
I was having a conversation with my friend/cousin Meredith the other day and she mentioned “the hustle” – a term Brené Brown has attached to people who make you work for worthiness. The friend that makes you do just one more thing…
I know some of Brown’s work, of course. I’ve written about it here a lot. But “the hustle” was a new term I’d never heard attached to her name, so I did some research. I discovered this:
If we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and have to hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. –Brené Brown – Hustle for Worthiness
I guess Brown did a study once upon a time, in a DVD that has been discontinued, called “The Hustle for Worthiness”. We avoid talking about what gets in the way of joy, she says, and instead we are hustling for our worthiness. We are all spending our time and energy chasing down worthiness, and that gets in the way of true joy.
I was on the phone with my oldest friend last week and we talked about the disaster of wanting and desiring to “be enough” for the world. This bleeds over into wanting to be enough for our family, our friends, in our jobs. He and I talked about the extra dynamic of this in being single (which we are currently thinking about writing a book about. Yikes.) In the midst of that conversation, I realized something. He is someone that has never expected the hustle out of me. He is one of the lucky few that can go with the ebb and flow of life and take me for who I am.
Has he lovingly called me out? Kept me accountable? Been my Holy Spirit? Only when I’ve asked him to be. And I love him more than life for that. His wisdom is beyond compare because he’s known me forever. And sometimes he knows me better than I know myself. I am so thankful I never had to hustle for that.
In my further research about the hustle, here are a couple of side effects that stood out to me:
- Hiding parts of your story for fear of rejection and judgment.
- Avoiding dealing with deep soul pain (or even surface wounds) for fear it will leave you alone or cause you more pain.
Notice how these two are all about undoing 2014 for me.
I have not been avoiding my deep soul pain this last year. And it has left me alone. Some people just couldn’t take it. They wanted the old me or a different me. But I didn’t.
Because I am tired of hustling for everyone. I’m nobody’s Holy Spirit. I am not enough. I never will be. And that’s ok.