In many ways, I am happily leaving 2012 behind. In other ways, I’m scared for what this means for 2013.
My first two years in vocational full-time ministry have been painful. They’ve been a struggle. But I have never loved Jesus more in my life. So it’s impossible to say that I, in some way, have screwed this up. But I sense some pretty big changes ahead. I’m not sure if they will be for me personally or if they will be for this church I serve, but big changes I know will come. As a creature of comfort, change is a scarry thing. As an introvert, there are plenty more things that scare me.
This is why my word for 2013 is what it is.
Let me back up – I’ve been inspired this year to have a word. A word that challenges me, a word that is a prayer, a word that I intentionally allow to play out in my life in 2013. I’ve seen a few other female bloggers do it and I like the idea. For me, I see it like the umbrella I no longer get to hold (I live in the desert now, for heaven’s sake).
But I can still picture myself with a polka dot umbrella over my head, my hand extended to feel it all and this word landing with a thud and then running over the sides of my umbrella and surrounding me.
I am completely committed following of Jesus Christ, but there are still some parts of my heart that I keep off-limits to him. For 2013 I pray that I will not only do anything he asks of me, but that I will embrace the anything he asks of me. Even if it pushes me into the dark places of my heart I am not ready to expose, even if it scares every inch of me, even if I am not ready. I will be and do anything.