The Lasting Impact of Bullying

As I watched a clip… and then another part of a clip… and then had to stop because I was crying… and then I tried to watch another clip… I simply couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

None of what transpired in the Oval Office on February 28th, 2025, between the press, the US President and VP, with President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, surprised me. We’ve seen the press and our country’s leaders act like this before. So why was I having such a hard time with this incident? I don’t have any particular connections to Ukraine other than a couple of acquaintances in outlying countries who are missionaries and who’ve shared stories with me about their experiences when Russia first invaded. But that’s it.

If you have a soul, it is impossible not to be empathic for what Ukraine has gone through as a sovereign nation being invaded by another country that had no business doing so. With a leader who has gone back on promises, making the war even more unsafe and awful for the Ukrainian people, Russia has done nothing but bully them.

Maybe it was because it was in the Oval Office and in the place I have been proud of as an American for so long. Maybe it was because a negotiation like that should never have been recorded in the first place. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown to respect President Zelenskyy and how he has led his country through this trying time.

But when the reporter opened his mouth and mocked him for not wearing a suit? And then all the people in that room LAUGHED? I was done.

Apparently, the US President made a comment to President Zelenskyy about not being dressed up for the occasion, apparently not caring that he hasn’t worn a suit since the war began and it’s a long-standing part of European history for the leaders of countries in war not to wear a suit until the war is over. So it was the willingness of all the men in that room to emotionally bully the man whose country has been physically and emotionally bullied by the Russia — bully of all bullies — that made me break.

I was bullied a lot as a kid, even all the way into college. I was bullied by individuals, and those incidents stung and have stayed with me. But the bullying by a group? There is nothing like it.

Yesterday an old memory came to mind of when I had to stand in front of my class and give a presentation right after someone had left a note in my locker that was indeed genuinely awful. And the whole class knew (I only had 20 kids in my class, so that wasn’t difficult.)

I stood before the class, giving some kind of report – I don’t know what it was, I just remember it was in English class, and everyone was laughing at me and the note’s contents. And the giggling continued as I spoke. And probably long after.

A few years before, I was chosen to sing a solo for my 6th grade music program. Accompanied by the class playing ukuleles, I was told the whole class was so upset I was chosen for the solo that they planned to mouth the words behind me as I sang. I was proud to be chosen to sing that solo, and my entire class despised me so much that they decided to mock me rather than celebrate me.

I have more than a dozen stories like this, and it’s tragic that decades later, these stories still hurt. Bullying didn’t make my skin thicker. It turned me into a different person altogether.

“Bullying didn’t make my skin thicker.
It turned me into a different person altogether.”

What happened in the Oval Office yesterday was unprofessional, embarrassing, and incredibly inappropriate. Period. It betrayed so many of our country’s principles (Christianity aside), and will damage foreign relations with many other countries… counties we rely on when we need assistance. Countries we have supported when they need it. Countries that are our allies.

It’s almost like we don’t live in the world alone.

I don’t tend to use the word “triggered” very much, but that’s all I can come up with as to why I had such a visceral reaction to what happened yesterday. I woke up this morning and realized what was happening to me. The incident wasn’t that different from what we have come to expect from this administration. Still, it was a group of bullies attacking someone who not only didn’t deserve it but is also worthy of respect and, most importantly, is one of our allies.

Character matters in leadership

Character matters in leadership. Those who’ve said that it doesn’t are seeing the fruits of those beliefs unfold before them. But somehow, I doubt this will be any tipping point, because for so many, the US looked strong and powerful, not petty and uncaring. There are far too many people who didn’t see it for what it was: small men bullying a man who needs help to save his country… from another bully.

I’ve had to stare a bully in the face while they berated me for things I couldn’t control about myself, for things they chose to misunderstand, and for things they simply didn’t like. Those bullies did not honor my Imago Dei, and it took me decades to rebuild it after they destroyed it.

President Zelenskyy is made of lot more stern stuff than I am. At age 49 or at 14. So he will be fine when he goes home.

I fear, however, that our country will not.