accept

I really don’t like this word. Noting specifically came to mind about it when I first learned of the prompt. 

Well…

except that I thought “I really don’t like this word.”

I’m not good at accepting what life brings me as enough. I always think, know, believe, wish for more. As if iIwere entitled to more than what I’d been given.

This gets messy, you see, because I don’t believe in accepting the status quo. “No acquiescing!” I cry in my heart. We are called to be more! We must push forward.

That also can make me terribly ungrateful for what I’ve been given.

There is such a tension in this. The already and the not yet. We are called to more – it’s part of the molding and shaping into the image of Christ. Yet we aren’t there yet and that leaves us discontent. Unsettled. We aren’t accepting. Should we?

What are we called to accept? What are we called to love as it is? And what are we called to be unsettled with, to push past? I’m thinking there really isn’t a list… as long as the accepting doesn’t turn to complacency and the pushing doesn’t turn to legalism.

What a tension we are constantly living in. Called to be grateful – simply another form of accepting – yet called to be more. The older I get, the more I see these tensions. The more I am willing to sit in the grey areas of life and just listen. To what I should accept.

I’m much more comfortable moving…  on what I don’t.

I am linking up for Five Minute Friday. The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today’s prompt is “Accept.” http://fiveminutefriday.com

finding home

I am linking up for Five Minute Friday. The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today’s prompt is “Place.” http://fiveminutefriday.com


I’ve lived in a lot of places for my age, so I’m told.

Nebraska. Kansas. Colorado. Nebraska again. Missouri. Arizona. Kansas again. 

All of these places have good and bad memories attached to them. When a hint of them crosses my mind, sometimes it’s joy and sometimes it’s sorrow. And as with most people, I wanted to find my place at each place.

But I’m not sure I ever have.

I don’t want to go down the road of, “of course I’m the different one” again. I do that far too often in my life. But I have struggled, in each new start, to figure out where I fit in. What I could offer this new place. What it could offer me.

I far too often associate a place with doing. When it really should be about being.

While I still believe that God is ever-changing me, I am still me in each place. I bring a new set of learning as I move on, but I’m still me, carrying around my baggage and my idols and my sin. But also carrying around the triumph and transformational power of Jesus Christ with me. So maybe I’ve been approaching this all wrong.

Maybe going to each new place is more about being than doing. Maybe it’s about finding home within myself, and not finding home in a place.

of dreaming and marching

I’ve never been to a writer’s retreat.

The fact is, I don’t really consider myself a writer, though I do occasionally call myself that. There is a tension in “being” a writer and just being someone who writes, I guess. We started out the retreat with the question of, “Am I called to write?” And for some many of the women there, they are called to do this. They can’t imagine NOT writing. I guess I feel that way, too. But I also don’t have that drive… that call to the pen and paper. My call is different. Writing may be part of my call, but I don’t think it’s primarily my call.


I wanted to come to the retreat because I’ve been struggling with only feeling inspired to write when things are hard. My inspiration tends to come from emotional pain, which I haven’t had a lot of recently. So I wanted to see what the answer to that might be… what it looks like to write in all circumstances. So my reflection during the weekend really centered around this. But then Friday night, Christina read a poem to us that led me to a really big question.

“What dream has God given me?”

I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I asked myself this.

Maybe I never did.

Dreaming always seemed silly. Unimportant. Unnecessary. Something that couldn’t pay the bills. Now that I’m old, dreams seem even more illusive.

But do they have to be?

More will come on this topic, because it’s far too important to my heart right now as I consider how writing fits into my call. There will likely be multiple posts about this big question. 


But this point is about my weekend with beautiful women who left me thankful for God’s design. How he makes everyone different and beautiful and in his image. This weekend was about how he gives each one of us a heart for something: Native Americans, publishing a book, changing the barrio in which one lives, writing poetry, worship, the beauty of grace, traveling around to stay with strangers we’ve only met online. We heard stories of walking knee deep in water in the dark, the pain of losing someone we love, the 10 hour journeys to arrive when it seems impossible to get away from life and family and work.

I was quiet this weekend. Which is somewhat unlike me. In group situations I find myself being the clown… the sarcastic one ready to create the giggles. But not this time I listened. A lot. And I wanted to listen more. I want more and more of their hearts to pour into mine as I learned what God has called them to. 

I’m sure we all are somewhat uncertain of God’s call in our lives, except perhaps the call to love one another. 

(photo credit: Jan Lamos)

Which is what I felt march first out of each women’s heart this weekend. Love. Love marched first, to create a place where hugs and tears were ok with someone we just met 2 hours earlier. Love marched first when we all weren’t sure what God was going to do. Love marched first when we shared what we wrote Friday night. Love marched first when we sang songs and asked questions and dreamed together.

May love continue to march first out of our hearts.

inspire

I feel my heart bursting out of my chest and suddenly I cannot stop myself. The words pour out of me,racing from my brain to my heart to the fingers and onto my computer and

It’s like I just threw up.

I long for those burstings. Those moments I just cannot contains and words are so important, feelings too explosive, and meaning too valuable to stay inside me. To be inspired is far too often a rare thing for me, to be inspiring is what I long for all day long.

For inspiration to hit… for it to fall through me like a rock falling off a 20 story building… it can be unstoppable.

Which also means it can hurt.

I’ve had moments where my words are pain to others. Nights where my heart has rushed out onto my computer screen and the next thing I know, I’ve undone a friendship.

Where is the line between letting my words speak the truth and keeping those words contained? Where is that place where I can be certain that this inspiration is something that must come out… but won’t offend?

Does such a place of inspiring exist?

 

This post is part of Five Minute Friday, a link up of posts doing a five minute fee write on a prompt word. This week’s word is “inspire”.

collect

I am linking up for Five Minute Friday. The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today’s prompt is “Collect.” We’d love to have you join us on Thursday nights for our Twitter party. Don’t forget to check out FMF’s new home at http://fiveminutefriday.com. 

 

Today was a weird day. I was overly emotional for just about everything – stuff I was working on, things I read on the internet, music I listened to. These over the top emotions were connected to memories. They brought about feelings of regret, loss, pain, sadness… connected to people, places, situations…
Memories are merely collections. They can function as the graveyard for our souls, or the scrapbook of our hearts. Most of the time it’s both. Our collection of memories can send us into a tailspin of regret or take us to a place of love and a sense of belonging.
I would love to figure out how to un-collect those memories that bring those feelings of regret and loss and pain. With all the things I collect in my life (books, scarves, kate spade bags…) it’s the one collection I’m less than proud of. (My kate spade collection is a distant second.) Because these are collections that cause me to face my own sin and the sin others have put upon me.
Collections are intended to being us a sense of joy or comfort, usually. I have a friend with a collection of Starbucks from every city she’s been to. Another who collects ceramic frogs (I try not to judge her for that one), and a friend who always buys a refrigerator magnet when she goes on vacation.
I’ve tried those different kind of collections. I’ve never been able to really stick to one. I have a few magnets from places I’ve been but my refrigerator looks like a half-hearted attempt at my travel log. And don’t even get me started on my coffee mugs. That’s a story in and of itself. And the frogs… well, thankfully I never tried that.
I’m not good at collecting those physical things that are meant to bring us joy when we look at them. Instead I collect the memories from my past, buried in a dusty corner of my heart that gets swept out once and a while when a email triggers me or a song reminds me of someone I used to love. Or someone who used to love me.

the road to authenticity?




There’s been a trend in the last few years talking a lot about the importance of authenticity. Which, of course, is nothing new. Churches have been having conversations about authenticity for the last 10 years at least, seeing that the new generation of adults attending church were turned off by big concerts and light shows that became so popular in the 90s. Brené Brown brought forth to us what living in shame does for our souls, and the culture around us continues to tell us to simply “be who we are, no matter what anyone else says”.

There are good things in this authenticity. For myself, it fed a certain part of my personality in some unhealthy ways. Earlier this year, I took a class where learning my Enneagram type was part of the experience. After I learned my type (I’m a 4) and meeting with a counselor about my test results for that and other personality tests we took, I was broken. The other tests I’d taken were nothing new to me, but learning about how a type 4 views the world and themselves broke me in a way I’m still not sure I can explain or understand.

I’ve learned to be careful about personality test results over the years. They can become a crutch and an easy way for me to explain away my own sin. “That’s how I was wired…” is something I’ve thought to myself a lot while justifying my behavior. The power of learning my Enneagram type has been that it immediately showed me my struggles and my sin. It was powerful. As an already broken by sin person, I was even more broken by the ways I’ve seen myself use my tendency to “be different” (classic type 4 behavior) in a multitude of sinful ways. As Richard Clark, online editor at Christianity Today and podcast host of The Calling, explains it, “It’s a lot like finding out you’re an INFJ except there is… an added self awareness component that comes with some negative feelings.”

He goes on to explain that the negative feelings that come with learning your Enneagram type can be valuable and represent growth. Which I’ve found to be completely true. Since learning my MBTI type (INFJ) it’s merely served as a way to help me process how awesome I am. But the Enneagram has showed me my major areas of needed growth.

I’ve not talked too much about my Enneagram type with those I love and trust, certainly not in the same way I used to proudly proclaim my status as an INFJ. Some of that could be that I haven’t researched it the way I have my MBTI type. The other reason is likely in how it has convicted me. The root of my sin in being a type 4 is intense. It’s not something I want to proudly proclaim.

So what does this have to do with authenticity? Apparently 4s hold authenticity up as some kind of crown jewel in life. For me, it means I do strive for authenticity in relationships and in how I resent myself to the world. But the sinful way it plays out is I tend to sniff out those who are inauthentic and place my judgmental medal of honor on them. Being a type where introspection is a hourly event, I have no reason to expect people to know themselves as well as I know myself.  When you know yourself well, you can be more authentic (and even comfortable) with others. As a 4, I tend to dismiss those who haven’t done the same amount of internal work as me, judging them as emotionally immature and even lazy.

The tension in all of this is that we all want to be who we are, right? Even deeper than that, we want to be accepted for who we are. The world is constantly telling us to “just do you.” There is a measure of wisdom in this. But I don’t think that’s enough. The Enneagram showed me that by fully indulging who I am leads to deeply flawed and sinful behavior towards others and myself. There are good and healthy ways for me to “just do me” but that’s not the end of the story.

God loves us for who he made us to be, but he loves us too much to keep us there. We are called to be sanctified, made like Christ, despite our sinful nature. (Because he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it…)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Authenticity is not the end of the road in our journey to be ourselves. It’s part of the journey, but it’s not the destination. It’s easier, sure. Which is why we all want to go there first and call it a day. But to deprive ourselves of who we can be by settling for who we are now is simply an adventure in missing the point.



Thoughts I Had During "Fall" – a Gilmore Girls Reflection

 

Fall

Wow. Is it ever disconcerting to have Lorelei not in Connecticut.


I feel like I should say something about the “the pack is too full” bit. But it’s not really all that funny to me.

Has the book (movie) really spawned this whole culture of women doing this trail thing?

“Of being dressed like this?” I love Lauren’s line reading here. I don’t know why I find it so funny. 

That hat is so Lorelai.

Jason Ritter! But I wanted more from that scene.

Rory in that red dress and jean jacket? So cute.

Wow. Luke is a hot mess without Lorelai.

The whole laptopper/coffee house/headphone/no talking thing is kind of freaking me out. Have we really devolved this far since 2005?

Really? The movie girls brought the laptop on the hike? 

Ok, considering these girls are “the book” why are all the questions about relationships or drugs? Does no one remember the REAL reason Cheryl needed to do the hike? I mean, I guess there were other reasons, but it was really about her and her mom.
I love that they had Esther say “in omnia paratus”.

The gorilla masks!

NOW I understand all the promo interviews on set with these guys. Their outfits were confusing, and I kept thinking they were in Stars Hollow for some kind of Victorian Christmas, which made no sense. This does, weirdly.

Robert looks so different. He looks shorter. Is that possible?

“We decided we had to come and take you out.” That’s sweet. And the look on Logan’s face when he hands her that hat? Ooof. It’s like he knows what a jerk he’s been. Good. Keep it that way, Logan.

I hated The Life and Death Brigade, because I felt like they brought out the absolute worst in Rory and Logan. No one needs friends that make them more selfish.

I’m really not understanding this whole sequence. The dance scenes? But if it is all that homage, then I forgive Amy, since I haven’t seen Across the Universe.

“You owed me nothing.” Oh, Rory. How are you still so messed up about what sex does in a relationship?

Rosemary Clooney! The ONLY time I’ve ever liked Collin.

Rory. You are just so gross. I’m so sick of saying this but HE’S ENGAGED. You’re being a jerk. And stupid.

I am so glad she doesn’t take that key.

Logan, pardon my language, but you NEED to feel more like an ass.

I really love Finn’s hair.

The goodbye scene with the boys is really sweet, but since I don’t understand this friendship, I hope it’s for good.

Goodbye Logan. Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.

Yay! Another Parenthood cameo!

I realize they were never going to let Lorelai go on this hike, but I honestly would’ve rather seen it than not.

“I will see you tomorrow”? Her finding that permit and repacking her bag would not take all day. What, is there only a 5 minute window where the park ranger checks the permits and lets people go through?

Oh. This speech. This speech. SO many tears.

“I looked up and there was dad.” The look on Emily’s face when she hears this is priceless (and heartbreaking) because she finally realizes what the phone call is about.

SOMEONE GIVE LAUREN GRAHAM AN EMMY.

This was about her dad all along.

Ah, finally, those guitars!!! That’s when the show means business. I’m trying to remember when the last time they used that music cue in these new episodes, and I’m not sure they did. So it feels like they used it to signify that things are finally back to where they should be.

Dang, Paul Anka is the cutest dog begging for that steak from Luke.

“I believe in a former life I was coffee.” Look for that on a t-shirt soon.

“Hello Kitty booth” BAHAHAHAHA. Luke knows her so well.

As wonderful as this speech is from Luke, and it’s the speech every woman wants to hear, it’s pretty scary that a person would change who they are entirely for another person, and that the other person would ever want that. That just seems like a set up for failure and lots of resentment.

Though I have to admit, my heart jumped a little when Luke said “I need you.”

Big sigh. “I think we should get married.” Well, yes, it is about time.

Emily in Nantucket is all kinds of hilarious. She couldn’t push that guy out of there fast enough. It’s no wonder. He’s BOB. #stuffmadeofnightmares

Rory’s writing the book at her grandparents’ house. That makes so much sense.

I gasped when Rory opened the door to Richard’s study and Ed Hermann was sitting there. *sob* He is so missed. I hate that he’s not part of this.

Michel interviewing his replacement is a thing I could watch all day long, except that I don’t get the references, which I’m guessing are famous people in the hospitality industry?

The beginning of this scene with Rory and her mom in the kitchen, with no talking, is pretty much pitch perfect.

Chinese food, Pop Tarts, Red Vines, and ice cream. I’m getting a stomach ache just looking at this spread.

Lorelai must be so insecure about being a mother. This really feels so out of character to me.

I hate how long the scene at the DAR is, but it was really great to see Emily come undone and swear so many times.

Lorelai’s outfit and hair in this next scene are wacko.

Miss Celine? Really?

“You must have friends” How long have you known him, Lorelai?

Please tell me Kiefer Sutherland is making a cameo.

How big is Rory’s phone?


Christopher. Wow. I heard he was part of this, but I had given up.

Why does Christopher need to work for the family business? Doesn’t he have all this money that will last forever and ever and ever?

So, Gigi lives in Paris. Christopher is not. Full circle.

This scene is really odd. I wonder if it’s because Amy never really wrote for Christopher, since he was only mostly in season 7.

When she asks her dad how he felt, I thought it was for the book. Now that I know the last four words, it changes the whole thing.

Christopher never really does answer her question.

They’ve never really had a relationship, and that must be really hard. It makes me so thankful for my own dad.

Emily is selling the house. That is going to make her a millionaire (if she isn’t already.)

Why in the world does Emily answer and hang up the phone like that?

“What was the exact moment you became a Mamet play?” HAHAHAHAHA

Full circle. I weirdly didn’t see the money borrowing coming.

“You need money” “You need money” “So, you need money” “I’ll get the checkbook.” *sob*. Have I mentioned I miss Richard? Full circle.

I love that Rory and Dean bump into each there at Doose’s. But I’m annoyed Dean has nothing in his hands. 

This scene is the only one of all Rory’s old boyfriends that felt genuine.

What she says about him is a wonderful affirmation of how much he cared for her and that she actually realizes it. And I’m not even Team Dean.

I got emotional as soon as Lorelei said “Sookie”.

I’ve read some criticism about how the Lorelai and Sookie magic was gone here, but I disagree. Things shouldn’t be the same… because she’s been gone for two years. She left the Inn. Their relationship isn’t the same.

Some nice call back with the cakes. Daises. Cakes on cakes.

I’ve got to know more about this milestone cake, because when did Duluth ever come into their friendship? And an Animal Fair? What is that a reference to? And who is the person holding a large piece of paper in from of the Duluth thing? I NEED ANSWERS.

And if that’s the zucchini patch, I love it. One of my favorite moments of the show. But those are some scary-sized zucchini.

Fat-free magic granola? I love that. So on character.

“I’m not broken. Maybe just a little chipped.” Heartbreaking.

I love the sniffing and Sookie knowing what other chefs were there. Classic.

I think Emily’s ending is the most satisfying one of all the storylines.

Holy cow, HOW BIG ARE JESS’ ARMS?

I love that Kirk has thrown up in both of Lorelei’s bathrooms.

I also love Kirk.

A glitter gun? Sound perfect for Lorelai.

Isn’t that not seeing each other thing supposed to be the day of? The wedding is tomorrow. It doesn’t matter if they see each other today. All brides and grooms do in traditional situations. It’s called the rehearsal.

Finally. Lorelai comes to her senses. Rory should write this book. Their story needs to be told.

Nice reference to The Social Network. I love that movie.

Jess is so not over Rory. He never has been.

Awwwww. Petal and Paul Anka are cuddle friends.

A flashmob to Steely Dan? PLEASE TELL ME WE GET TO SEE THIS.

Getting hitched the night before? Stealing story lines from Mad About You, are we?

I teared up as soon as I heard the opening strums of Reflecting Light.

Wait, why are there ballerinas practicing so late at night? 

The door thing is cute, but there is no way they couldn’t see the town square. (I know, wonder killer)

Yes, it is perfect. Good job, Kirk. But I don’t see the chuppah.

Lorelei’s wedding dress is black? Not getting that in comparison to the one she picked out in Season 6. But it’s very Amy, especially with the hat. There are flaws in the show, but one of the biggest was that it sometimes felt like a pure self-indulgence for Amy and Dan. The wedding dress is an example of that.

They waltz. AWWWWWW.

It’s hard for me that Emily and Sookie aren’t there. But the moment of Emily in Nantucket during a song called Reflecting Light is appropriate.

Ok. Here we are at the gazebo. I know this is the last scene and wondering what the last four word are is KILLING ME.

Telling her she doesn’t suck for how she treated Paul is really ridiculous, Lorelai. Because she does.

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

WHOA.

Weirdly, my first thought is that it’s the Wookie’s. But duh, of course not.

Ok, all the full circle references. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this just feels like a hopeless way to see life. Almost like a “sins of the father are visited upon the children” kind of moment, where all of Lorelai’s work to raise her daughter to not make the same mistakes she did were for naught. This show has always had a sweetness about it, and this just feels like it was done for the shock factor. Destroying the shows legacy of sweetness and light. 

And I’m not saying this as if I believe it’s the end of the world that Rory is pregnant. Of course it’s not. It’s just so not in keeping with everything the show has sent a message about in the past.

I just can’t with this. Logan is Rory’s Christopher and Jess is Rory’s Luke. I guess this is a reflection of what Rory witnessed with her mom’s relationships. 

It’s weird I’m feeling so negative about this, because generally speaking I like unexpected endings. Even prefer them to the tidy white bow endings.

Thoughts I Had During "Summer" – a Gilmore Girls Reflection

 


Summer


Weirdest beginning ever. Very out of character and off-tone (is that a thing? I’ll make it a thing.)


That music cue is very weird.

Wait, since when does Stars Hollow have a pool?

Oh, yes, well, Daniel also wrote this one. So that explains the intro.

Zach looks 60 years old.

Ugh. April.

That hat… can you say ganja? She followed Luke’s penchant for Reggae (obscure reference…)

German Silent Films. Right.

Lorelei’s hair is cute here.

The cheese thing. Oy. These two with the avoidance.

Why in the world would April be having a panic attack? Why would she lie about meeting Noam Chomsky? This is dumb.

“Rory’s got it.” This might be the first time I felt like Luke and Lorelei were actually parents. This moment made me feel like this kind of thing has happened before between their daughters. Nice touch.

Ugh. Logan.

Two “ughs” in the first 8 minutes does not boad well for this episode.

Rory asking Logan if she can come to early. Ouch. This is so uncomfortable.

“Figure it all out”???? I know I’ve said it, but RORY! HE’S ENGAGED.

Rory, I know it’s just a town meeting, but what are you wearing? 

They are styling Lorelei’s hair up a lot this season. Call back to Lorelei’s First Cotillion episode in season 7? Nah. That would surprise me, since Amy and Dan were gone by then.
Is the 30-something gang is a really thing? Or is this a weird take on those men who still live with their parents that was big 10 years ago (AKA Failure to Launch with SJP and Matthew McConaughey)

And would they really go to a town meeting? And wouldn’t Rory all know them from Star Hollow High?

Miss Patty not being upfront with Taylor is still wrong. WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?

There’s TOM!!!! I always liked him.

“Give him a crystal sword, he’s a White Walker” I’ve only seen season 1 and was lost the whole time, but I’m guessing this is a Game of Thrones reference. So I have no clue if that’s really funny. But that guy looks beyond sad.

This town meeting is a little better than the last one tone-wise.

Does the 30-something gang really think Rory is cool? They look so disappointed she won’t join them.

Ok, the AC bit is getting old.

I really don’t get this gag with the young boys and the southern accents.

And calling Rory Khaleesi mixed with this southern stuff really doesn’t make sense.

(I know, Daniel wrote this one. BUT STILL.)

I never needed to see Michel in a swimsuit.

Sutton Foster covers a multitude of sins. That woman is amazing.

Rory is taking over the Gazette. Shocker.

Oh, I love that old guy actor. He has the best voice.

That wide shot of Lorelei turning, from the promo? Was done just for the shoes.

I love her hair and this whole outfit. No wonder they have her that wide shot. Lauren Graham is stunning.

Oh…. sad… I just can’t take that Michel is leaving.

The Secret Bar. At least Zach and Lane are playing music here.

Michel don’t leeeeeeeeeave.

“I think Frederick ordered one. I’ll have to check.” Ha!

The hiding thing from Taylor is kind of cute.

Lorelei trying not to cry… What is she, made of stone????

This episode is way too Taylor heavy. I mean, I like him fine. But so far, it’s just a lot of Taylor.

Esther will file in that drawer forever.

“I did every thing but blow in its ear.” That certainly calls for a “Dirty!”

Esther really is no fun.

“These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” Best musical cue.

This delivery sequence is actually kind of cute.

Why did Lorelei dump her bag and papers in the trash and then come back to get them? I hate jokes that aren’t properly explained.

The milkshake thing is so real. I knew a millennial obsessed with that movie. He would totally do that milkshake thing with the right group of people to talk him into it. If nothing else, he would do it for the Instagram photo.

Rory asked Doyle to contribute a piece to the Stars Hollow Gazette? I mean, I like Doyle, but what is the point of that?

Aw. Poor Emily.

“The news never sleeps.” Really, Rory? How often does the Stars Hollow Gazette come out? Once a week?

Hahahahaha. That glass throw!

It took me awhile to recognize Christian Borle. I adore him.

There are just so many things wrong with this musical.

On a repeat viewing, though, I’m finding it absolutely hysterical. Both the lyrics and the choreography of the Love Revolution song are cracking me up right now.

The Hamilton bit is still bad, though. Really bad.

“Anything by Jeff Cooooooons” I can’t stop laughing.

Borle’s falsetto is divine.

Pu-pu-pu-pu-putin. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I’m having flashbacks to when I went to Mamma Mia and danced in the isles with the cast.

Nat really should put some socks on. That’s never a good look on a man.

Carol King is gonna sing. Oh my gosh Carol King is gonna sing.

Oh, dear. Her voice. I’m guessing cigarettes have not been her friend.

Ugh. This maid thing with Gypsy. IT JUST DOESN’T WORK.

I really love the idea that Emily has opened her heart to her staff’s family.

Lorelai has REALLY not dealt with her father’s death.

4 years since she’s seen Jess and no hug?!?!?

Sigh. Those arms.

I really hate that Nora Ephron joke. It’s just tasteless. 

I’m sorry, but Alexis Bledel is just phoning in this scene, which is a real disservice to Milo. This scene should’ve been so much better.

Why must Jess be the only one who can inspire her when she’s stuck? Considering how feminist this show is, I’m bothered by this. Even though I’m Team Jess and am glad to have him in the show, I’m just frustrated with this.

Ray Wise is in this as an old friend of Richard’s and now I am having BOB nightmares. There’s a TV show I wish I’d never seen. #firewalkwithme

Emily not warning Lorelei about this man being there is really, really mean.

See, this is why I can’t like Emily. SHE is the one who didn’t warn Lorelei about this guy, so Lorelai struggles to understand it. Then while struggling to understand it, (while externally processing, because let’s face it, we all know that Lorelei is an ENFP) Emily makes all kind of assumptions about what Lorelei really means and turns it around on her so everything is her fault. It’s a painfully passive aggressive donut with cream-filled martyrdom.

UGH. And then to be so proud Luke didn’t tell her about their afternoon looking for real estate together! She’s just so awful.

Wait. Rory’s old professor is now a headstone salesman?

It’s summer in Connecticut. WHY is Lorelei wearing a long-sleeved sweater?!?

I admit, Lorelei’s resistance to letting Rory write this book took me a little surprise.

I understand her wanting to get keep things a secret from her mom, but does she really think she was that bad of a mother? Or is this lack of differentiation about the Luke secret thing?

“For the past 32 years I have been the queen of understanding?” She’s kidding, right? It’s not like Rory has screwed up so much Lorelei has exhausted all her understanding abilities as a friend mom.  Rory is not that bad of a daughter. The quitting Yale thing was the worst thing she’d ever done, and Lorelei was not understanding during that (and she shouldn’t have been.)  Other than being understanding a few times when Rory screwed up (Missing her graduation and stealing a boat) Lorelei has put the hammer down plenty of times when called for. There just hasn’t been that many instances when she’s need to be understanding with Rory.

This fight scene with Luke and Lorelei highlights the best of the show. Lauren and Scott just have a way of back and forth that’s amazing.

The whole keeping their lives separate thing makes a lot of sense considering the baggage these two characters have. Not that’s it’s right or healthy, but of course that happened in their relationship.

Lane and Rory – I just love these two. I love Lane.

FINALLY. An acknowledgment of her own unhealthy behavior in calling Logan when she’s upset.

Ha! That Lipitor thing was funny.

Logan, you are just so gross. Rory, so are you. And seriously, it’s about time they ended things. HE’S ENGAGED. 

Lane is a good friend. I would’ve been lecturing her so hard.

I just love Sutton Foster’s voice. Seriously, covers a multitude of sins.

There is no way this song fits into the Stars Hollow Musical.

But it should be in some musical. Because it’s amazing.

Seriously, amazing. The song, her voice. 

And now I’m crying with Lorelai.

My theory is the whole reason the Stars Hollow musical idea, which fans mostly hated, was conceived in the writers’ room is so we could have this moment.

“I am not unbreakable. I am breaking right now. I need to be unbreakable. Somehow, it’s never or now.” Seriously, this is just such a woman thing. We can all relate.

Aw. Luke’s “Why?” when it finally sinks in that Lorelai is serious about leaving is just so heartbreaking.
The WILD thing really does makes sense. Cheryl was grieving her mother in the book. Lorelai is grieving her father. Not that she knows that’s why she’s going, but it makes perfect sense in hindsight. Like most of life.

Thoughts I Had During "Spring" – a Gilmore Girls Reflection

Spring

This therapist is soooooooo a therapist.

This not speaking during therapy? Emily, you’re just mean.

Oh… well, Daniel wrote this one. Sigh.

What is Lorelei wearing? Are those steaks on her dress? Wait, no. Big brown leaves. What?

Wait, this is the first session? She’s in a sundress and a shortsleeved cardigan. Winter was just a few days ago. I guess time consistency was never a strong suit of the show. 
Just realized Luke wears flannel no matter what time of year. Rory’s in a sleeveless shirt and Luke’s in flannel. It’s just weird. Scott Patterson in a short-sleeved t-shirt would make me endlessly happy.

And Mama Kim slips right back into it all. Love.

Oh, there’s that actress from Bunheads that is the ultimate doppleganger for Rory’s freshman counselor. How can two actresses not only look alike but have the exact same voice?

Awwwwwwww! The Bid-A-Basket Festival!! That was the first GG episode I watched and I was instantly in love. 

Really? They show Mr. Kim? Why? He isn’t even referenced past season 1.

Jackson without Sookie is all kinds of wrong. And did they move? Do they still live in Stars Hollow? Ugh. The questions.

It’s all kinds of wrong that the Vietnamese joke with Kirk got as much screen time as Jackson.

Naomi Shropshire again? If possible, Daniel made her more insufferable.

Does this actress have compromising pictures of Amy and Dan? I’m just not getting why precious time is spent on much a stupid storyline that goes nowhere.

Conde Nast keeps pushing back the meeting, and Rory is mad because they asked for the meeting months ago. Rory, haven’t you seen “He’s Just Not That Into You”? Sigh.

Mitchum. Yuck. 

He also gets more screen time than Jackson.

Logan’s engaged. Of course he is.

“Why do you think I sprung for the $300 bottle of wine?” Ew. Way to make a girl feel cheap, Logan. Oh, wait. 

Yes, Rory, you should have that look on your face. YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S MAN. AGAIN.

Who is that up there with Taylor at the town meeting? What happened to Miss Patty?

This is a very strange town meeting. The timing is off or something. Plus Patty’s not there. It’s just odd. The whole feel and pace of it. 

I think it’s because everybody is so still. No one is moving or shifting or chatting. 

Ha! A Law & Order dig. True Gilmore Girls. Amy and Dan must really hate crime shows for as often as they insulted them over the years.

Luke is on the phone with Liz. I swear, if her and TJ make an appearance I am out of here.

Michel don’t leeeeeeeave. Hate this thought so much.

Hahahahaha, Skrillex calms Michel down. I love it.

Who wrote the mean letter to Emily? Did she make this up or did Lorelei #1 send it?

“But you’re my pillow.” Gross, Rory. HE’S ENGAGED.

Yay! The black, white, and red theater! And another short film from Kirk!

The Gilmore Guys! Yay! Again, this is just so a love letter/inside joke with the cast.

I really can’t stand Rachel Ray. That whole scene didn’t help. She’s really annoying.

So. Many. Hand. Gestures. Stop it, Rachel.

Does she really call them sammies? That’s just sad.

I can’t decide if Richard leaving that money for Luke was sweet or condescending. I guess sweet, because I seriously doubt Luke ever told her Richard he didn’t want to franchise.

Still with the lucky outfit. How much stuff does she have?

I like that Emily has opened up her life to a long-term maid and their family. Still hate they put Gypsy in the role.

Chilton! Aww. That Emerson quote was perfect. I will give Dan credit for that.

That is NOT Headmaster Snicklefritz’s office.

Emily and Lorelei have driven their therapist to smoke. Bahahaha.

“Those half notes, those whole notes, those rest stops” Rest stops?!?!?!?! That isn’t what they are called. Unless you are out of gas and need to use the restroom, Rory. 
That is so not Tristin.

And they would never invite him back for something like this anyway. He didn’t even graduate from Chilton.

The Paris bathroom freakout is awesome. So is that door kick. Paris rocks.

Really? They brought back Francie???? And Jackson gets 30 seconds of screen time. Gah.

I *may* be a little bitter about this Jackson thing. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SOOKIE.

Rory is basically being offered a job to teach at Chilton. I feel like she was made for something like this, especially since she has no shot at working at a major daily.

Paris and Doyle live in a 5 story brownstone? Yikes.

“Blow my colon!” Hahahahaha.

They got a Dorothy Parker reference in. Of course. Odd from Paris, but of course.

I can’t believe Rory is calling in Mitchum. She really is lost.

“I just thought the baby was gonna throw up.” What? That “baby” is like 3 years old. Who calls a 3-year old a baby?

I could not sit through that meeting at Conde Nast knowing that someone made a call to pretty much force their hand to have said meeting.

I can’t believe Lorelei is surprised by her mom quitting therapy because Lorelei hadn’t changed. Of course she expected that.

“Call her mom.” That real estate agent crossed a really weird line with Luke and Emily there.

“Kind of a bad neighborhood.” In Star Hollow? Woodbury? Where are they?

WHY would Lorelei lie to Luke about therapy? He’s generally a pretty understanding guy when it comes to her. This is just drama for drama’s sake.

Writing for Conde Nast on spec? The desperation, she is high.

Lorelei and Rory in New York together is the thing this episode needed.

Zombie McDonalds? Is this a pop culture reference I missed?

They are wearing ridiculous outfits for standing in line and walking around the city all day. Heels and cute dresses is just not practical.

Of course Lorelei got the goods before everybody. Of course she did.

Love the Mae Whitman cameo. So cute.

Rory had a one-night stand. With a SOURCE. At the age of 32. And she is judging herself not not having one until now. SO. LOST.

At least she is finally admitting what a disaster her life is.

“Wookie-humping loser.” Hahahaha. Well, yes.

Wow. Rory looks very old in the midst of this website staff. That CFO looks 19.

I really kind of love that she blew that whole thing. Yes, they misled her. And no, she didn’t want to work for this place. But she really should have been more professional and prepared than that.

Destroying her cell phones? Is she made of money?

Thoughts I Had During “Winter” – a Gilmore Girls Reflection


Winter

“I smell snow” I squealed. I admit. Not just because I love snow, but because I honestly thought they might start with Fall. You know, since it’s Fall when this is releasing. But then I wondered if maybe they would end with Fall, since that’s clearly what the show is known for. Wow. I’ve thought about this a lot.

“I’ve missed ya, kid” Yes, Lauren Graham choked up. So did I. A nice nod, a nice moment, to give the fans. Yes, it has been years.

Coffee and tacos? Sounds just gross enough to work. (See what I did there? The die-hards will know.)

One day? Who can afford two transcontinental flights in three days?

From Ben Affleck? What pop culture reference is that? I’ve never seen the Marvel movies, so probably something there. Iron Man. It starts and end with that for me.

Rory soooo doesn’t have any coffee in her cup.

Three phones? That’s nuts.

Rory, don’t say crap during a work call. So unprofessional. 

And don’t run once you find a clear signal. Haven’t you EVER lived in a small town?

Climbing up on a ladder in Dosee’s? Throwing the cabbage and saying “Come again!” Gilmore Girls is back. Squeeeeeee.

Wow. Dosee’s is so bright. So professional. So not small town anymore.

Kirk!!!

Not finding the Ooooooober thing all that funny. 

The pig from the promo is Kirk’s? Of course it is. She’s cute.

Wait, since when does Al’s make coffee?

Ok, the pause for the snow? I get it, but it’s a little forced. Took me out of the moment. Boo.

The troubadour!  I have two of his albums because of this show. Grant Lee Phillips, in case you are wondering.)

I love Stars Hollow at Christmas. The lights really get me in the spirit.

Amy wrote this one? Thank God. Daniel was never a good voice for the show.

The rabbi!!! Great call back.

Whoa. That is one bright kitchen.

“Trigger warnings” I love Amy.

Luke, Lorelei, and Rory in the kitchen… the dialogue and banter doesn’t get any better.

Why in the word did Rory send her boxes to more than one place? Does she enjoy being disorganized? The girl who bought a folder for each class assignment in high school?

Travel wherever the story is to write? If she consistently writes on speck there is no way she could afford this, an apartment, and three cell phone bills.

Paul looks like that singer guy. What’s his name, with the curly hair and the opera voice? 

Using a Trader Joe’s coffee container for a vase… Love it. And I kinda love that I know that a Trader Joe’s coffee container. French Roast. If Lorelei is like me, it’s the low acid kind. But they didn’t show the front so I can’t tell. But it’s clearly the best choice.  

JOSH GROBAN! That’s his name.

Two years? The cotton anniversary. Bye Paul.

Why is Rory wearing a sleeveless dress? It’s January in Connecticut

Scott Patterson’s toupee is just not good. Was all the budget spent on the new lighting? Because they couldn’t given a few hundred to the makeup trailer to fix that.

Loving the old pic of the girls in the bedroom (with the orange scarf). Awwwwww. Nostalgia.

Ok, the tapping thing is kinda funny. She is really bad.

Coffee? It’s the middle of the night. I mean, I know. But really?

Rory is so lost. And she knows it. I see it bubbling under the surface.

I love the Luke bit with the Wi-Fi passwords. It’s so him, though I’m ashamed I didn’t figure it out right away.

Rory’s New Yorker piece fits on the back of a menu? With a large picture of her? How sad. What, did she get paid $50 for it? That wouldn’t pay for a plane ticket to London.

Luke makes a Fudgy Banana Milkshake? Yeah, right. But that sounds amazing. I’m thinking he should go next door for that.

Love Lorelei throwing bagels at Kirk.

They forgot Paul? He orders tea for breakfast? Bye Paul.

What in the heck did Rory order that filled two grocery bags and took 2 minutes to make?

She forgot Paul again. This bit is gonna get old.

Michel!!!!!!!!! I have a feeling they were only able to make him gay because the WB wouldn’t allow that back in 2000.

Hate the couches in the Inn’s living room. Yuck.

Why are there so many Christmas decorations still up? I thought this was after Christmas.

Why is the Inn’s kitchen so dark when everything else on set is so unnaturally bright?!?!?

Roy took the coffee maker? Bye Roy.

I miss Sookie already.

Wait, that’s the size of the coffee maker? I’m sorry to be a wonder killer, but a restaurant would not have a tiny coffee maker like that. And it doesn’t even take up any counter space. Ugh I know, wonder killer.

The Carpenter’s! As weird as the music cue is, I still love it.

Ok, the Gypsy/maid this is just a horrible idea.

Seriously, worst wig ever.

Kelly Bishop looks amazing. That woman is ageless.

Cyrano? Nice moment there.

They are all wearing navy. Interesting.

The painting. Oh, the painting. The Gilmore stare. 

I miss Richard.

The fact that Emily refuses to send back the painting (which is completely out of character) totally proves my consistent point that you just don’t act like yourselves during a trauma.

Rory spitting out her martini during the bellowing of “Wizard, you shall not pass” is one of the funniest missed moments for me so far.

I don’t think I can watch this flashback. So much pain.

THAT TOM WAITS’ SONG.

I totally don’t buy that Jason would come to the funeral.

Ugh. Off with that toupee, Luke.

Rory really has to leave early the day of the funeral? Just. No.

I know this scene with Lorelei telling the story about the steamer trunk and her dad is awful. And it’s so hard to watch. Yet I have sympathy for her. Because again, you just don’t act like you should during a trauma. Grief messes you up.

This fight scene is so utterly Gilmore and so utterly epic.

These two actress just know how to be mother and daughter, and ASP must have a tumultuous relationships with her mother to write this dialogue so well.

“I’m surprised you didn’t have a pizza delivered during Ava Maria.” Wow. Low blow. Even for Emily. 

The stuff about Luke? Honestly, needed to be said, #confessyourunpopularopinion I’ve always thought Lorelai was selfish when it comes to Luke.

“You never let me make a mistake!” Oh, so painful. Gilmore and grace have never been great at mixing.

”I just lost my father.” WHY doesn’t Lauren Graham have an Emmy?

“Full-freakin’ circle.” I get that reference now that I’ve seen all four episodes, but what did it mean at the time? Emily accuses Lorelei of going back to the town to tell her friends how awful her mother is  How is this a full circle moment? It would be full circle if Emily told her friends how awful Lorelai was, thus completely the circle of Lorelei telling a story to Richard’s friends about how Richard was a less than stellar dad. But it’s not full circle with Lorelai doing what Emily accuses her of heading off to do. The only way this is kind of full circle is that Lorelai accuses her dad, then Emily accuses her daughter. Even then, that’s a half circle at best.  I’m really frustrated by this.

Boxes at Emily’s? That three places so far. Driving me crazy, and is very out of character for Rory.

There is NO WAY Emily knows who Llewyn Davis is.

I hate how rude Emily is to Luke.

“That moment at the Twickim house?” Didn’t it happen at the Inn? It was about the Twickim house, but it wasn’t AT the Twickim house, was it?

I’ve seen this show too much if I know that, I think.

Glad Lorelei is examining Emily’s accusation about her not considering Luke. The one thing always consistent with Emily, despite her feelings and behavior toward Luke and Lorelei’s relationship, is that she always wanted Lorelei to understand what a good marriage takes. (i.e. the conversation she had with her about Christopher and their wedding party.)

See, I really have seen this show too much.

Paris always wanted to do research and find a cure for cancer in medicine, so my guess is that she only ended up here for money, since her family ended up in trouble in that area.

BAHAHAHAHA. Paris is still Paris, firing Smith grads and making Buffy references. I just love her. And partially hate her.

There are a lot of weird things about this whole surrogate thing, but it makes no sense that the color of the surrogates hair is something Paris brings up. Shouldn’t their health and age be the larger issue? 

Ewwwww. “Junk in the trunk… if you like that kind of thing.” Seriously, no wonder Luke thinks this involves him sleeping with someone.

Doogie Howser. That show was on the air for 4 seasons over 20 years ago and it’s still in the pop culture lexicon. Amazing. (On a side note, I wonder whatever happened to Vinnie? Didn’t I see him in something recently?)

…Checking IMDB. Yep, I did. Interestingly, Inside Llewyn Davis is what I saw him in.

Of course Luke left. This whole thing is not only weird, Paris is the WRONG person to sell this surrogacy idea on Luke. He hates her.

This whole Naomi Shropshire storyline is annoying.

I mean, I know it’s coming, but I was still in denial this time around as Rory was talking into the void and then we realize it’s Logan… I just wanted it to be that they were just friends.

I want to like Logan. I do. But he was just so crappy to Rory, as was his dad, and he is just too pretentious for her.

Ew. They are really just each others’ booty call. Gross. 

Wait, she’s having dinner with Paul? Where does he live??

Paris in Stars Hollow is my favorite.

Wait… why does Luke even have Wi-Fi in the diner? It’s not like he lives there anymore, or would ever use it himself. Oh, wait. I can totally see Lorelei making him get it just for her.

Carol King’s daughter!!! I love that Amy made her the troubadour’s sister… so we could hear her sing.

Rory is back in Stars Hollow. Another transatlantic flight. What’s it been, 4 days? Oooooookay.

Ha! They made Doyle a screen writer. Nice nod, Amy. I’m starting to feel like this whole script is just one big love letter/inside joke between her and the cast.

Zach and Lane’s house looks suspiciously like Jackson and Sookie’s house.

Wait. Why is Kirk leaving if he needs an extension cord from Lane? And why didn’t Rory ask Lane for one? That’s kinda rude.

Does Brian still live with Zach and Lane? I wish we learned more of his back story.

The twins are cute!

Rory is keeping the Logan thing from her mom. Yuck. And has she learned NOTHING from the Dean situation?!?

I miss Gil’s crazy hair. And just…no to that eyeliner, Sebastian.

I’m genuinely impressed at how these actors have kept up their musical skills. 

BAHAHAHAHA. Ok, I loved Lorelai’s “Holy Shiiiiii-“ trailing off at the site of her mother in jeans and a Candie’s shirt, which is so clearly Lorelai’s from high school. 

Seriously, Kelly Bishop looks amazing. Even in jeans and a t-shirt. And she is wearing that gold necklace, still. The one she wears in every. single. episode. That never made sense to me. She’s filthy rich, she couldn’t change it up a little in 8 seasons?

The ongoing bit of Emily trying to communicate with her staff with large gestures isn’t really that funny to me.

“Taste it. See if it brings you joy.” Ha!

I’m glad Lorelei checked in on her mom. Because it’s true, nothing is going to bring her joy right now.

DUDE. Have you ever tried to play guitar in the snow like that? It’s not possible (your fingers would freeze and you couldn’t press down on the strings) AND it would be really bad for your guitar.

I know. Wonder Killer. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. Early recaps with Pamie on Television Without Pity are all rushing back to me. I learned from the best. However, she hated the troubadour and I don’t. That’s where we differ.

I love that Luke is ok with Lorelei dressing Paul Anka up as him. He loves her so much.

Dirk? Would’ve been funnier if they used Mick, the first character Kirk ever played on the show. The die hards will know.

Emily took Lorelai’s advice!!

Lorelei’s face when Emily thanks her is heartbreaking. A daughter should never be so stared for affirmation fro her mother. A reminder of why I can’t like all of Emily. Manipulation, yes. That’s appropriate (not in life, but character development-wise) considering their relationship. But the way she constantly makes Lorelei not feel good enough? Can’t ever be okay with that. And it shouldn’t be overlooked by al those who think she’s awesome. She’s just not.

Luke figured it out before Lorelai… again, this is how starved she is for her mom’s approval. Sad.

Dolly over the end credits???? So weird. Where are the la-las?