It’s been a complicated couple of weeks for me.
1.) I applied to seminary – and I allowed the application process to drag on and on. The personal statement hitting on 4 major points in under two pages was a bit of an issue for me. I think part of it was just wanting to write about the best parts of my walk and my experience in ministry along with the best sentences. I didn’t want it to be cookie-cutter, and I didn’t want bad sentence structure. I don’t look at that enough here, and I’d hate for that to carry over into the rest of my life.
2.) I’ve been dealing with some major changes in the worship ministry I lead. They are good and difficult changes all at the same time. And the entire time I’ve had to look at from this perspective: “What if I’m not here in three months?” The entire 7-year experience of building the worship ministry at my church was astounding, heart-breaking, wonderful and complicated all at the same time. I’d never done anything like it before, and as I focus on passing the baton to the next leader (and figuring out who that leader will be) is also wonderful and hard – and again, something I’ve never done. And my stupid desire for perfection is just one more hurdle to jump over during this process.
3.) I lost my uncle last week. He was 52 years old, in good heath, and died suddenly from a heart attack. To put it succinctly: last week sucked.
4.) A dear friend moved to Omaha – why does the western part of the state get all the good people? That also sucks. I miss her.
5.) I cut off my hair. I recognize this isn’t that big of a deal to most people, but I am a girl and well, now I have to re-learn how to fix it. It’s been a while since my hair’s been above my shoulders. (1997, I think) So now? It just looks messy as I’ve been trying a new product called “Surf Hair”. At least it smells good.
I’ve had many ideas in my head I’ve wanted to explore with no time to sit down and let them spill out of me. If I can remember all the ideas, I won’t give up and will make time to write about them. For now, it’s necessary I clean out my inbox and figure out what I’ve missed while dealing with reality.